That night, sleep asked me,

Have you let it go?

No. I won’t.

I answered on instinct,

then, I began to unspool the story of twelve years.

10:55 pm. Everything began with that day.

the START and the END.

Darkness bled into my heart.

Love and hate turned to flesh, to blood.

You became my bones.

In the body’s long cycle of undoing and renewal,

I am the expression you allow, the language you permit,

repeating death and return.

I want my soul to meet your fire,

to burn until there is nothing left to hide.

This is a long train journey with only a few passengers. you, me, and her.

Sunlight needles the eyes. Tears flood my face.

I turn back, and you are there, holding me upright.

I think I will spend my whole life recording you.

Sue Lai.